Snuggle Bunny

It's 10:48 pm. I'm just hanging out with the kids waiting for my brother and his wife to call so I can pick them up. I'm sure it'll be interesting. They took a party bus with my dad and some friends to the NASCAR race today in Fontana. So, I'm pretty much counting on extreme inebriation when I see them.

I'm just really missing my baby. I knew it was going to be hard not having David with me, but it's definitely not getting any easier. I think about him all the time, and wonder constantly what he's doing at all hours of the day. I get to talk to him just about every night, but it's not the same. I can't look at him when he talks to me so I can read his face. I can't hold him when I know he's had a hard day. I want to give him noogies and tickle him and hug him so much. I had major guilt today when I talked to him. The first week when I talked to him, I ended up crying a couple times. I guess he felt guilty so he has been laying off the emotional, "I miss you mom" stuff lately. He told me tonight he did that so I wouldn't cry anymore. UGH!!! I'm the grown up here, I should be thinking of that, not my 13 year old son. How bad is it when he's the one trying to protect me instead of the other way around.

I have to keep telling myself that what I'm doing is exactly what I should be. Trying to make things better for myself and making a future for us, but I'll tell you what,,,,I think right now I'd just take the chance and throw that all out the window just to be with him again. Maybe in the near future things will change and he'll decide California's not such a bad place, and would want to be here with us, but for now, I'll let him find his way.

David, you are and always will be my Snuggle Bunny and I love you more than you'll ever know.

P.S. Go see Aunt Julie. She loves you and misses you, booger!